Angst. The Urban Dictionary defines it as "A feeling of despair, anxiety, and depression. It is usually applied to a deep and essentially philosophical anxiety about the world in general or personal freedom."
Angst. It's the day before election and this is what I am feeling. I have been feeling this way all weekend. Even the extra hour I got from turning the clocks back was filled with this uncontrollable feeling.
Angst. It's what I felt after those days of September 11, 2001. You couldn't turn it off, that feeling of OMG!!! What happens now? What if it happens again? How could we have let this happen? How could we not have seen this coming?
Just so you know...I hate this feeling, being on the verge of tears, my stomach in a knot, no real appetite and yet nervously eating; I probably gained 5 pounds this weekend, and I really want it to go away.
My Democrat friends say I have nothing to worry about. Obama will win again and he will fix us.
My Republican friends say I have nothing to worry about. Romney will win and he will fix us.
So I ask myself, what do I want fixed? It's easy to say "all of it." But that's not where this helpless feeling comes from.
I want to see jobs created...a ton of jobs for everyone. I want jobs brought from overseas back to America so people will have work. I want corporate taxes reassessed so that it is not cheaper for companies to go overseas. I don't want to import as much as we have been doing. More exporting, less importing, means more jobs here. I want us to rely more upon ourselves. We have proven to each other that when times get tough, the tough band together to do what needs to be done. When we can't get it done, it's usually because government has gotten in the way and made everything come to a standstill...until they get their way.
I want everyone to have healthcare. But not like this. Not this way. Not forced upon us by a document that is over 1,000 pages long and has added costs and penalties (or taxes, as the Supreme Court has defined them). I personally hear stories about companies that are not hiring right now and will have to lay people off at the first of the year because they can't afford the employee and Obamacare, too. Some folks are having their hours cut back by their employers so that the employer won't have to offer them insurance. That means their paychecks are cut AND they will have to come up with the money to pay for insurance through Obamacare or pay a penalty. Really! Also, doctors are starting to leave private practice due to Obamacare, reducing the medical professionals upon whom we can rely.
I want us to be energy efficient. Why are we paying our enemies for something we can find in our own backyard? They just take our money and train terrorists to fly planes into buildings and kill our people, or attack our embassies and consulates, and kill our soldiers, imprison our Americans, and demand that we do things their way.
Angst. Christmas will be slim at our house this year. I have no job and am working temp positions because no one is hiring in my profession. I have applied for part-time jobs, but then, so have so many other people. I have been told that once the election is over, companies will decide how they are going to go forward with jobs. I wish I could afford to stay at home, as some women are able todo. I tried that with a home-based business. It does not exist any more; I could not afford to stay in business. And the Workforce Commission has established that I am not eligible for unemployment.
Unless I get a job, there will be no Christmas at our house. But that's okay. I have had wonderful Christmases in the past and not having one this year will not devastate me. But to not be able to give to my family, or grandchildren, or co-workers for my husband, well, that's a hard pill to swallow. My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I said a full-time job. He smiled.
Angst. Tomorrow is the election and I hope that within the coming days that feeling will go away. We will survive because as Americans, it is what we do. But how well we will survive....that thought just causes me more angst.
